I wrote this Monday night, thinking I was going to post it Tuesday (hence the days of the week verbiage). Today is already Wednesday and I'm happy to report that he had an okay day yesterday (Tuesday). He was above target a bit and had a quick crash, but I was proactive with it, and it was because he didn't finish his dinner.
It's hard to watch him drop again.
Sunday was his dad's birthday. We had pizza and carrot cake for dinner. I miss judged the timing of the carbs in the cake. He dropped low really fast an hour and a half after dinner. I gave him fruit snacks and figured I misjudged the amount of carbs in the cake. He took the fruit snack treatment twice before his number was good again. An hour later, his numbers skyrocketed. That's when I knew it was not a calculation issue, but a timing one. Basically... The insulin was faster than the cake. I decided if we repeated the dinner on Monday, that he'd have the food and then the insulin any the timing would be okay.
Then, at bedtime he was up to 350+ on his finger check. I gave him insulin to bring him down. At 11pm (2 hours later) I was in him room with fruit snacks. He was sensitive to the insulin. He got so low according to the Dexcom, that he was too low to read and still dropping. He took three rounds of fruit snacks to come to a good number that time. It was a long night and he and I were exhausted in the morning, but he didn't need any more corrections for lows or highs the rest of the night.
Monday night he opted for Mac'n'cheese instead of pizza. He still had the cake, however, and hour later... dropping fast again. This time, I didn't wait for it to go below his threshold. I gave him fruit snacks and waited with baited breath. Then I cried when he started not dropping as fast. Why cry when it's over? Because Sunday night was hard and it wasn't even a really bad situation. I cried because I fear that one day... One day it'll be bad enough for an ambulance.
This is why it's hard to let go of fears. This is why it's hard to not be a helicopter parent. This is why it's hard for me to want to leave him and start going on dates with my husband again. It cannot be predicted. Thanks to his CGM, it can be controlled to hopefully prevent a catastrophy situation, though.
One of my favorite shirts reads "Caffeine because adulting is hard" when it really should say "Caffeine because I saved my son's life again".